The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
