like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
