sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
