That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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