so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
