man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
