Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
