Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Randomize
