Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Randomize
