he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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