I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You can't just leave with hair like that
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
