Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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