I'd wear matching sweaters with you
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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