tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
