You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
