if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize