why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
