But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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