He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
