My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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