Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
