if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
