Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
