Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
