Capitaan dildo arrescate!
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
How does one acquire holy water?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
