We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
