he wants to bone in the snuggie
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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