How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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