the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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