how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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