can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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