It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
