I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
