I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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