Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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