Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I think my moral compass just broke
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