He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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