laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I need moral support for this bender
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You need Xanax blowdarts
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
