I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
