remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
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