Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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