Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
