Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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