it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
