u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Randomize
