so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize