Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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