she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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