Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
