I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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