community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
sex in a hospital.. check
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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