Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
