since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just pee around me
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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