You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
