we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
