I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
