If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
