I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
