yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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