I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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