If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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