I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
