The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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