I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
