I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
