Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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