They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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