Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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