wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
