do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
We're too hungover to prance.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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